Ash

The hands in her hair felt sad, their longing search unyielding and needy. Had time already brought grief to the young? So soon did the people now parish that she knew in her heart they were already an extinct species. What ruins they had held onto for these past years had diminished along with all traces of happiness. A world of crumbling pavement was a hopeless one.

She felt the last strands of hair swiped clean from her neck, then the weight of a heavy braid falling to her back.
"Thank you my dear" she smiled at the little one.
The little one stared back, her round gray eyes serious and void.

She had to look away.

Only when her eyes traveled away from the small tortured face could she remain strong. In this she found no comfort simply a temporary avoidance of panic.

As she thanked the little one and began walking away she heard a noise. So quiet at first it was barely identifiable, but as she stopped and strained to listen she was growing more certain of what she was hearing. It was a jet. A jet plane. The noise was intensifying, rumbling, yet everything else was still, silent almost. The grey scenery was overwhelming, dead. Ashes fell too slowly to the ground, like peaceful snowfall. She could hear nothing but the jet and her own breathing, the rest of the world gone cold.

It was so close now. She turned around, her breathing heavy, ash catching in her eyelashes. She saw no airplane. There stood only the little one, pale and emotionless. The little one's mouth was open screaming. No not screaming but rumbling. There was no airplane, she'd been fooled.

"Stop that!" she shouted.

The rumbling grew louder. Blood ran from the corners of the little one's open mouth, from the eyes and the heart of her white nightgown.

She watched in horror, a sob rising in her. She tried to run to the little one, tried to save her. But she could not move forward, no matter how she tried.

Silence.

Red ashes spin elegantly to the ground. There is not a soul to be seen. There is no one left.

180

It's a funny thing how eventually love turns into a slow burning hate. The smallest things you had never noticed before are suddenly amplified in this ugly light with the switch of a button. It's an unfortunate thing as well as it is real.

Blue Sky

I rode my bike up and down hills today for awhile. The ride was a beautiful one, full of sunshine and flowers. Having the wind blow through your hair, your music playing in your ears and the sun warming your face is a feeling you cannot duplicate. It is a faithful side effect of riding your bicycle in the foothills of the rocky mountains.

As I was riding along I pulled off my headband with every intention of putting it back on when it slipped from my hands. I hit my breaks and turned around to search for the shiny golden item but it was nowhere to be found. I devoted a bit longer to the search but was unsuccessful in finding it.

I wondered how that was possible, but decided I could only look to myself for the blame. I continued on and let it go. Letting go is hard. Not of the headband so much but of everything. Try it sometime, completely let go of obligation or worry and just devote yourself completely to something.

Butterflies, Razor Wings

If only you knew how I feel every time I see your name, every time the memories play up in my brain.
If only you felt this desperation, near breaking demonstration of the strength I summon falling in your wake, the dream I'd nearly let you take.
It's killing me everyday, and no logic or sense will obey.
I am stuck on these memories in these lonesome days, always wishing there was a way.

Some Of The Best, The Ones That Get You Through

Thank you Bob Dylan

"If I had the stars of the darkest night and the diamonds from the deepest ocean, I'd forsake them all for your sweet kiss for that's all I'm wishing to be owning."- Boots of Spanish Leather

Thank You Regina Spektor 

"He stumbled into faith and thought 'God this is all there is'. The pictures in his mind arose and began to breathe." - Blue Lips

Thank You Rihanna

"Even angels have their wicked schemes and you take that to new extremes. But you'll always be my hero even though you've lost your mind." - Love the Way You Lie (Part 2)

Thank You Band of Skulls 

"But still I fall from grace with this microphone, how'd you find yourself if you never roam? Certainly I'm indebted baby certainly, certainly. I know my place but it don't know me." Cold Fame

Thank You Grizzly Bear 

"Hope I'm ready, able to make my own. Goodbye." - Ready, Able

Thank You Mumford & Sons 

"Cause I need freedom now and I need to know how to live my life as it's meant to be." The Cave

Thank You Gary Jules 

"All around me are familiar faces, worn out places, worn out faces, bright and early for their daily races going nowhere." - Mad World 


Thank You Angus & Julia Stone 
"Gonna hold ya, gonna kiss ya in my arms. Gonna take ya away from harm." - Big Jet Plane 


Thank You Jamie T
"Stone, glass, concrete and gravel all we got to keep us together." - The Man's Machine 


Thank You Vast
"I'm looking for inspiration and I think I've found it in your heart. It's the kind of thing you get when you're not looking, it's the kind of thing you had from the start." - Don't Take Your Love Away


Thank You Sia
"Oh will you ever know that the bitterness and anger left me long ago. Only sadness remains and it will pass." - You Have Been Loved


Thank You Florence And The Machine
"Sooner or later in life the things you love you lose but you've got the love I need to see me through." - You've Got the Love


Thank You Adele
"Never mind I'll find someone like you, I wish nothing but the best for you too. Don't forget me, I begged. I remember you said sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead." - Someone Like You


Thank You Everlast 
"My heart, my mind, my soul, my body aches, a hunger for the loving arms of your embrace. I walk along the lonely road." - Lonely Road


Thank You Dan Auerbach 
"Everything you got is just what I've always wanted, right down to a T, nothing about you that don't please me." - I Want Some More 


Thank You Lykke Li
"Know that when you leave, by blood and by me, you walk like a thief, By blood and by me, and I fall when you leave. So tell me when you hear my heart stop, you're the only one that knows. Tell me when you hear my silence, there's a possibility I wouldn't know." - Possibility 


Thank You Fleet Foxes
"I was raised up believing I was somehow unique like a snowflake distinct among snowflakes unique in each way you can see. And now after some thinking I'd say I'd rather be a functioning cog in some great machinery serving something beyond me." - Helplessness Blues


Thank You Sinead O'Conner 
"It's been seven hours and fifteen days since you took your love away. I go out every night and sleep all day since you took your love away." - Nothing Compares to You

On My Bike

My arms fly at my sides, my eyes are closed and the wind blows through me. I am smiling in the sunlight. Down I go, down the hills and away from the thin air. All that I have seen, all I have felt, runs away from my simple bliss. For moments I am lost in the brightness and the warmth that surrounds me. In those moment I feel there is no greater happiness. I feel as if I am part of something real, as if I have discovered the answer. Sometimes my bliss turns to tears, other times I awake into a daze. But for those moments I know life, and that is my happiness.

Fly Me There

Pretty little girl, he says, don't fall.
I might stumble on my way out, I say, But I wont fall.
He looks at me and his eyes are sad. He doesn't stay to watch my footsteps exit his world.

One Man Road

My heart is sick. When I close my eyes and remember it all I can feel it beat again.

I collapse as reality awakes me, breathless on the side of this road. I cry and it rains, I can taste the rain and the salt and I know the sky is crying with me. 

I check my wrists for shackles. I forget now and again I am free. 

The motion of standing is exhausting. I look behind me. 

So far away now is that horizon, the sunny day I left. I feel the sweetness of it stab me in my gut. The longing for what I left nearly overtakes me, blinds me with unnamed emotions. 

But I continue walking forward. I dream as I do that I can smell you, feel your presence next to me. I dream of you. 

My heart beats then reality comes. I stumble, nearly collapse, no one to catch me. I catch myself. Just barely I keep my balance and continue on , wiping away the salty rain. 

I look behind me. 

I know it's there, somewhere, but no longer can I see that horizon. 

I dream of your road crossing mine once again. I dream of you. 

My heart is sick. Still I walk.