Consumed

It'd been days. In the end there would be many more days, days that collected into longer periods of time like months, years. But in the first days, the simple minutes to hours and hours to sleepless nights, the days were a suffocating tar.

I said a while back I would. Well here I sit, stationed with hills nearly touching the sun. But solutions come from the tools on hand. My tools on hand changed, quite abruptly I might add. My sudden change left me frozen between two worlds and molded choice into obligation. I can't say I wish it different, I do believe there is something here for me, but what you leave behind is another story. Will I always be in turmoil between two opposite halves?

I am so taken over, my thoughts so monopolized by the world I'd merely grazed. I question if the world was seeing the time as I was or had I stepped into an unchanging globe? I think the avoidance of change impossible so I would doubt that thought...still, to wander from such a bright fire into the black of night is a tough choice. But are we to only know the fire? Had I waited for the flame to die, the embers to fade, would I have found no steps to follow? Would I have become sleepy in the warmth of the glow, lost myself to the scent? I am not to know.

What I do know is the outcome is most usually not the anticipated one. Not Predictable for use of a better term. Now I question the solidity to my feelings. Am I an actor upon my own stage playing the role of some other character? What is truth? I lose sight often. Help me blacken my dreams tonight, let thought slip for the hours of night. This sad hunger is stealing my color.